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There once was a lonely potatoe chip.  Its name was Phil, but everybody called him Billybob.  I met him at my friend, Pouf's, house one time and we soon became really good friends. It just kinda happened that I stole the potatoe chip from my friend, but I don't think he noticed since it was so near the last chip in the bag.  When no one is around you say baby I love you.  For some reason, Phil had absolutely no friends...so before when I told you that everybody called him Billybob...I was really lying.  I just thought the name was more appropriate for a chip. So anyway there we were all alone chillin on my front step.  I just remembered that I forgot to brush my teeth so I hurried up to get that done.  When I came back to my step, it looked as though Billybob had skipped town on me.  I AINT NO FRUITYPIE!  I knew this couldn't be possible becase of the wonderful friendship we were now sharing, so I figured the lonely potatoe chip perhaps picked up some crack whores down the street for a good time.  Content with that assumption, I continued on with my day, talking to the flowers and whatnot.  The longer Billybob was away, however, the less I thought he was out with whores.  Suddenly it occured to me how much less he had talked to me in the past couple days.  Why is everything always on your terms?  Some days, he would just sit there and not say a damn thing.  Other times, usually when I got home from wild parties, he would stare at me and then yell, "Do YOu WaNNa DIE?!?!"  I really didn't know how to react to that kind of negativity so often times I took out his cousins and crunched until his eyes filled up and he pleaded for me to stop.  SATAN 666! Yeah , okay, so anyway. . . I cried that night like crazy.  I mentioned before that Billybob was lonely, but it just so happens that so am I.  LIAR!!! GO TO HELL! The next morning I decided to take a trip out to my front steps.  You know sometimes when you just have to get away to escape all the pain inside.  What's that do? Suck your chubby? Yeah, said Wilbur. Not only is it magickal, it's also amazingly fruity. So while I was on my front step, this car drove by.  I immediately panicked because the car was going way too fast and it seemed to be morphing into a big duck.  I shot the sheriff.  I took a flying leap into the sidewalk (which smelt like exotic turtles with perfume on) to try and hide from the killer duck.  Sweet surrender.  This cute little ant started asking me if I wanted any cheese nips.  It's amazing how nice everyone is around here. After laying there for about ten minutes, I rolled onto my elbows to see if the coast was clear.  Drunk on ego.  Alas, the big duck remained breathing down my face.  Or maybe the breathing was from me, it's hard to remember every single detail.  Next thing I know this greasy, ass-smelling potatoe chip lands on my back. I wiggled around a lot, but that just basically resulted in wounded marigolds and eyelashes.  To see the whole thing  a little bit clearer. Trent. When no one's around I like to...well, but I wasnt alone anymore. As weird as it sounds, Billybob was back.  He told me the whole story.  He got baked in this doughnut at Pizza Hut where a little cat ate him.  The cat then released Billybob in a hairball because he used his super auto charged powered star lighter in the form of a magick wand.  Is it your face that's got your monkey?  A hungry old feller with two teeth and a very large.... came and picked up the hairball as a snack.  Then this killer duck came and fired its load right on the old man before he gobbled him up like a sunflower on all hallows eve.   Splash said the young krammit. KIBBLES AND CHUNKS FOR EVERYONE! and of course massive porndogs.  The duck's stomach soon became agitated due to Hank's enormous and flavorful size. Sorry for the confusion...I must've forgot to tell you that the hairball's name was Dick, so we call him Hank (it's just shorter and easier, ya know?). Hanks and beans.  Charlie laughed like a mad cat, but I was really only interested in what kind of apple smacks he had left.  So the agitating Hank got thrown up and landed on my back, and there Billybob remained, riding me for the rest of his fragile life.  I drew a picture of a frog once and it actually tasted like bananas... azimaing.  Quite soggy I must say. He didn't look too comfortable so I decided to put an end to his tragic life.  I broke his neck, right then and there.  Tragic end to such a happy friendship,  but all good things must end. I am not a number, I'm a free man! Anyway, you know how some people deal with stress by eating tofu over chicken corn on wet noodleharps? Well I decided to indulge a fantasy and I watched gorilla porn for the rest of the week. Radical Dreamer. By hump day I was okay again and ready to look for friendship in new places...such as the bathroom.  It's amazing the friends you can make when you're in the right state of mind.  I hope someday you find someone as special to you as Jesus is to me.  Spank you and goodnight.                                                                                                                                              by Nikki (yeah, clap now)

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Just so you dont panic...know that this is no where near done!  Oh oh...and if you have any ideas for a story that you want me to write about, email me or summen. Thanks! (hope you enjoy)

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